Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
