Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
