She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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