You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
