A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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