I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
