hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
