My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
