so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
