On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
