you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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