I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
