All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
