She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
