Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
