Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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