I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
