Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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