Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
