Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
