Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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