What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
