you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
