Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Watching her eat just hurts me
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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