Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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