he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
