I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
