i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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