i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
