I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Do you remember whose house we're in?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
