My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
