Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
