Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
