i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
