she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
she looked like the before picture.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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