I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
