his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
