Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
