Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I believe in your delicious
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
