Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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