I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
