Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
