Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
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