I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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