So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
