every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
