im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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