I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
