you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
