Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
