Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
