my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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