There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
