I wish my penis had an off switch
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
