dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
