she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
