South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize