i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
