I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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