I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
