If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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