I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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