my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
