the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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