I hope mine doesn't look like that
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He kissed a someone with a penis
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
