dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
