the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
