Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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