Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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