my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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