I'm going to jail i love you
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
