A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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