she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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